This thing of talking to people close to I and only finding out later I would have rather stood on top of the hill and told everybody up irks me. People irritates a person not because they want to but, because there is a weakness they have spotted upon talking to you. I am the type of person who hate eavesdropping and name-droppers. I would rather smile after I have read a letter with a misspelt name of a person or town. For example, KRUGERSDROP instead of KRUGERSDORP. Yeah! I have to let you know where I am from because people often make the mistake of comparing individuals. I may sound like I am from JOHANNESBURG. The only reason I could think of is because I work there. If I act a particular way which makes me sound like the City's clevers, is due to the fact that my forebearers spoke that way. And it is in no way make me want to be a thug. And it also does not mean they too were thugs. There are different cultures in the world and it might just have been the way they had expressed themselves. I too would love to be talking simple like most people do but, I can not. Not because I would like to be seen to clever or different. This language thing to I is not a problem so long as I and those which I am talking to understands each other. But, sometimes it becomes difficult for I when I say one thing and the people think that they got me on their tight, sweet-spot, that they have been longing to get me at. Or when those who have committed misdemeanors and think that my previous allegiances with them will bail them out. To I, I say cheers to the way I live this life. Because only God knows what else I will become in His Kingdom after He calls my name out. I do not know why I should worry myself about people who due to their connections think that I am just a candle that they could put out whenever they so wish. Those people who seem to think that I am full of myself and somebody should empty me up and push me down hill like an empty water tank. I do not know. What I know however is that; I am a human being and can wear any clothing I like even if they may look like prison guards garb. You know, it is simple for people to call you an angel when they are looking for a dalliance or to turn and call you the devil after finding out that you are just not what they had been looking for. And I am always looking out for myself hey? I do and it is part of my job. And since I now seem to have seen the light as far as my character is concerned, I may just keep looking without getting too much concerned about people and their characters.
Wise people take responsiblity for their actions, foolish ones point fingers and won't admit when their wrong. Whenever you find yourself in trouble and blaming others know this; you are worse off. The thing is, you won't be able to solve whatever it is that's troubling you until you admit that you have a problem. For example if you've punched someone and he has apparently ran to the copshop to report what you've done to them, don't go around telling people that he's a man and could've been manly enough to fight you back. You may be a bully but, not all of us are or even if we want to show our fighting skills to the world, we're not too keen--as we view punch-ups as for kiddies during playtime. Most of them get entangled in street brawls because they've seen their elders do it. So they would like to punch another on the face, break a leg, break some jaw or remove some teeth. Because they know nothing about fighting and what they're doing are as a result of having seen their elders do it. And a doctor or a dentist is faraway from their medulas--unlike yous who do everything intentionally. And it depends on how strong one is. I'm no weaker or strong but my words are and can exert pain in one's soul--depending on what you've said or done to me. I like people living responsibly and don't take kindly to someone who will tell me; 'Sorry, I didn't mean it.' And though I'm like that, I do forgive people. But get pissed off one more time when they remind me of what I did to them long ago.
I had lost most confidence in me --if not all of it. I had lost all hope if not most of it.
I took a look at me and all I saw was; a face of a soul trapped within somebody
else's. Not that only, what I was experiencing, I believe, was as a result of me
trying hard to get in touch with who I truly am. But thoughts had slipped into but,
I couldn't fathom were they came from. I had done a lot of rubbish, spoke a lot of
trash prior to this self-intronspection. I used to do stuff for others I had thought,
now it was time for I to be. By being I mean, to pamper self while locking the
privy world outside of my space. I wanted to do all things my way and for no one
but me. I don't know what had gotten in me but, I just wanted to do things without
having to tell people thereafter that; I did it for I and her or it was I and he. Have
you got yourself in a situation when everything is all about you? I had and it feels
nice 'til others invade yourself by whining about how you have become self-obsessed
about being. I don't know if sometimes using the word all works but I have seen the
word on sneakers written with a capital A. Yah! A is to show class that one's is a
star. I didn't want to be part of a galaxy but I felt like, indeed, I was a star. And like
I always expected; I heared them scream; 'Selfish! Chauvinist!' But I couldn't care
less about people's outlook or the weather situation inside or outside. I just became.
My intention with becoming wasn't like coming, staying or going but, to let idle-whiners
that I am comfortable in my own skin. But when I started walking by I couldn't hide from
the stops and stirs. I just did what I had to do without worrying much about the next
man. Then there I was sitting pretty with smashing hot young women sitting besides me.
Heared them giggle and uttering the infamous township phrase; 'Oh really?' Oh really?
Wait! But as I surely am not sure if its a phrase but it surely sounds like it. I looked
at them. Smiled. Glanced at those sitting behind me and scowled. They stopped
mid-conversation and looked at I. I looked at the rear-view all while forgetting what the
purpose of my being is. I thought that they would speak but, none of them wanted
to engage me conservation-wise. That hurt me because in the state I was in or, had
disguisely put myself in as they had said prior to OH REALLY? I had this feeling
that I couldn't do anything, or say anything to or about anyone without much hassle.
And they would just giggle like I had said something nice--all while knowing I had no
intention to say something to that effect. To this day or to to flip my thoughts to
yesterday and be negative in talk if not deeds; I wonder what fate had befell me
the day I had developed a knew character caused by looking at my being reflecting
in the mirror but I console myself by thinking one thought; looks are not all that.
Here I go again using the word all like you have all been through what I had been through.
Whatever mood you're in, don't you think we're all in. It is you who is in it, why should we get involved into something that is within you? It's the same as having a problem and don't know how to solve it and start insulting all of us because of the precarious situation that you fortunately or unfortunately, find yourself in. The're paid for services to clear a blocked mind like yours; pyschiatry and therapy. Stop loving money so much and get help qucik or move away from ordinary people like us who have multiple of problems and know how to solve it. Nothing irks than a person with problem or multiple of but without a solution. They say my solution to problems that they throw my way is; I write them down and let the whole world know what is it that people with no human spirit have been doing to me. It's no psychiatry or mental therapy but, it's still a solution. I get to solve my own because I don't go around creating some for my fellow men. If you're human and have no love for fellow beings, to I you're as good as dead. The reason I say this is because; the dead have no more part to play in this life ever again. No more. Until Almighty shakes them up, until he commands angels to blow trumpets and play harps, no man will move an inch from his or her eternal sleep. And on love, no man know enough. No man has it in abandunce. So when they look at you and puke because like I, you're literally disgusting, remember one thing and one thing only; only God can judge because He's just. No man knows enough to can able to try that. So once you've a problem with the other person, go to him and tell him. I especially don't mind sitting down with a person be they strangers or familiar to talk and iron out whatever differences I and they might have. It's foolish to scream obscenities on the streets-- trying to get attention of people who are busy with their businesses day by day. To a person you may be trying to belittle, you're nothing more than a useless piece of work which requires fixing.
Not everybody is your family, not everybody is your blood relative. Even if they were, none of them would fall for your stupid trap of wanting them to do something for you while you sitting idly like a newborn waiting to be fed, diaper-changed, taught how to walk with exception to and sincere apologies to those who were born with disabilities of some sort. I got to say that I am disappointed by the fact that; people with no borne disabilities are a relaxed lot and, they compare themselves to Mark Zuckerberg and other notable pioneers, who ditched University and College to make something with their lives. When one is at work they should stay right there, those at school must study hard to achieve their goals in life. Because without education life is very hard. And people are getting tired of beggars because cost of living nowadays-- is way too steep than when we were growing up. Family unity is crumbling too-- due to those who wait for others to do things for them.All while they are fully-bodied individuals. Birds teach their kids how to fly and, sometimes after they are sure that, their kids know how to spread their wings, they see the very kids breathless and on the ground. Due to their lack of concentration whenever their parents were still around. How many stories have you heared, in your neighbourhood, about how life was once good for such and such a family until both parents lost their jobs, kids dropped out of school prior that because they had theirs was an infallible type of a family? I know that like I, you have heared many but are afraid to teach the world due to the consequences and the repercussions which may follow you thereafter. Look after yourselves and don’t wait for the next man to feed you. Success or failure is all in the mind. Having just said that, I believe it’s now a time for people to get their minds right. If you fail to think, what else can we do for all of you?
Whenever a crook tries to rob a person, he first tries to convince him about how good he is, how his help is going to be of good to the victim. I have been told how false I am many times that calculating would just be a waste of time to me and to all of you who are morally good. Due to the continued onslaught the recession impact of just over six years has on us, people struggle to staying true to their own identities. They lose them and are unable to give us a real reason of how that became. Me keep wondering how it would like if people can stop looking for falsehood in others and continue living their lives like they don't exist but since the word; is means to exist, I can't see that happening anytime soon or ever happening in this life on this world. We, that's you and I, can't walk the streets blindly as if others don't exist and let our minds destroyed by the daily untruths of things we hear and observe. Because if that would be the case, what would be a reason that we had come to this world? In my observance and analysis of people around me, I have found that all strove for one thing; the truth. And in their strife they were making one fatal mistake; judging without first applying their minds to that which they were suspecting. None of them got near the truth but, got themselves dunk in the misery of failure. A case in point are young men I always watch trying to convince a working man that working is a waste of time but, their very own lives are empty spaces full with self-doubts and since self-doubting is a thought, an idea, it's hard for them to pursue their dreams without looking up to employers for assistance. They're rolling down a hill to self-destruction but none of them seem to notice that. In fact, I overheared themm talking about thinking out of the box. The phrase itself is as old as Dinosaurs tracks on this earth and anthropologists would find their misdemeanor boring to listen to. As far as truth is concerned, they're historically and geographically off the mark. And we all know where they would most likely to end at right? In jail.