I had lost most confidence in me --if not all of it. I had lost all hope if not most of it.
I took a look at me and all I saw was; a face of a soul trapped within somebody
else's. Not that only, what I was experiencing, I believe, was as a result of me
trying hard to get in touch with who I truly am. But thoughts had slipped into but,
I couldn't fathom were they came from. I had done a lot of rubbish, spoke a lot of
trash prior to this self-intronspection. I used to do stuff for others I had thought,
now it was time for I to be. By being I mean, to pamper self while locking the
privy world outside of my space. I wanted to do all things my way and for no one
but me. I don't know what had gotten in me but, I just wanted to do things without
having to tell people thereafter that; I did it for I and her or it was I and he. Have
you got yourself in a situation when everything is all about you? I had and it feels
nice 'til others invade yourself by whining about how you have become self-obsessed
about being. I don't know if sometimes using the word all works but I have seen the
word on sneakers written with a capital A. Yah! A is to show class that one's is a
star. I didn't want to be part of a galaxy but I felt like, indeed, I was a star. And like
I always expected; I heared them scream; 'Selfish! Chauvinist!' But I couldn't care
less about people's outlook or the weather situation inside or outside. I just became.
My intention with becoming wasn't like coming, staying or going but, to let idle-whiners
that I am comfortable in my own skin. But when I started walking by I couldn't hide from
the stops and stirs. I just did what I had to do without worrying much about the next
man. Then there I was sitting pretty with smashing hot young women sitting besides me.
Heared them giggle and uttering the infamous township phrase; 'Oh really?' Oh really?
Wait! But as I surely am not sure if its a phrase but it surely sounds like it. I looked
at them. Smiled. Glanced at those sitting behind me and scowled. They stopped
mid-conversation and looked at I. I looked at the rear-view all while forgetting what the
purpose of my being is. I thought that they would speak but, none of them wanted
to engage me conservation-wise. That hurt me because in the state I was in or, had
disguisely put myself in as they had said prior to OH REALLY? I had this feeling
that I couldn't do anything, or say anything to or about anyone without much hassle.
And they would just giggle like I had said something nice--all while knowing I had no
intention to say something to that effect. To this day or to to flip my thoughts to
yesterday and be negative in talk if not deeds; I wonder what fate had befell me
the day I had developed a knew character caused by looking at my being reflecting
in the mirror but I console myself by thinking one thought; looks are not all that.
Here I go again using the word all like you have all been through what I had been through.