Every year, perfectly intelligent people wait for hours on lines in toy stores and department stores buying presents that the recipients will spend even more hours waiting on lines to return.
So, to cut this inefficiency (or that dubious joy of "re-gifting") out of the holiday season, I humbly propose that everyone be up front about exactly what they want for the holidays. Frankly, to make the season even more cheerful, let me go a step further: Do not get me anything, I will not get you anything, and, instead, feel free to do a little shopping for yourself.
With that spirit in mind, here is what this old humbug got himself for the holidays:
First, I've frequently me