I've read numerous posts concerning the horrible ideas about needing to reveal injury details to your t, although I am hoping this isn't totally mad. I'm coping with the opposite.
I've many 'issues' that I am aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step-father to an adult that I trusted in HighSchool as a maternal figure that later showed she'd other suggestions for that relationship... and then what is daily becoming more of the confidence that I have repressed very early abuse (I've always had dangers but am not reading his and my style in my own brain and it isnot pleasant exchange of words)... I've NEVER told details of any one of this stuff. I have described to two people that "something" happened with this person I respected which was the level. Images, short video in my own head of the ones from the and today these sounds of what I suppose plague me.
Does this make sense to EVERYONE? I know I would be HIGHLY embaressed to state the things I'd have to and I hope it'sn't something ill building me need to... But I am worried we are going to spend years tiptoeing round the specifics since he thinks I'm afraid and I am desperately attempting to pour the beans. I wish I could tell him this, but it isn't allowed.
I also have found that I can not tell him ANYTHING if he doesn't ask directly and am working with at. I've told him this and he is proficient at looking to ask me questions. The thing is, I also can not tell him what to ask. I know it might seem completely crazy, however it is like I'm banned to simply easily tell things-but I'm permitted to answer honestly. He's gone forward and backward about 'processing' trauma and after that I think I'm so quiet about things happening he does not believe they starts to believe we must go another way and are. I get so upset once I hear him discuss not addressing the stress specifically and acquire very frustrated and wish I want to talk about my trauma to give up trust about ever getting relief. It is like I UNDERSTAND I have to acquire these facts out-but I cannot tell him that. I think he is also worried I cannot manage coping with the injury specifically because of my panic disorder, but I really don't understand how to change any of this. He talks about trying to do it with as small depth and trauma as you can and I have read about all these new methods to cope with PTSD without detailed control, but I would like it so bad.