Birthday Poems to Irritate Men!

Over the years I seem to have got amused and delighted many close friends and co-workers by composing funny poems and writing them within their birthday cards. I've now made a decision to publish my anthology of wit, humour and downright rudeness for the world to enjoy!

These rhymes have proven to be particularly popular with ladies demonstrating how cruel and heartless the gentler' sex is usually to the men in their lives. They could be copied into birthday cards, Father's Day cards, Christmas cards, or just cut and pasted onto a contact in fact they may be used anytime someone you know needs cheering up or bringing down a peg or two!

Most of the poems rely intensely on the shortcomings of we poor males; ie, drunkenness, uncontrolled flatulence, lecherousness, good old fashioned plain laziness, inability to understand DIY, hair thinning, suspiciously thickening midriff etc, etc. Characteristics which I'm sure apply to some extent to all or any husbands, boyfriends and sons.

So as to each poem contains a man's first name, however, not as part of the rhyme. In other words, you can easily personalise' the rhyme by replacing the name with the name of the person you want to send it to. (This is most effective if the brands have the same quantity of syllables. For instance, 'Bob' can be transformed to John, Dave, Mick, Paul etc; 'Andy' can be changed to Simon, Roger, Alan etc).

For whatever reason you decide to send one, the indegent kado ulang tahun untuk pria fellow will receive a extremely amusing rhyme fun at a few of his - shall we say - less romantic characteristics. A possible side-effect is that he may also become impressed at your wit, humour and resourcefulness - but do not expect him to admit to that. Here they are;


Ian doesn't much like it, When you simply tell him he's losing his locks; And he gets just a little bit grumpy, When you explain his tyre is spare.

So be sensitive today it's his birthday, And remember, the man's not bionic; Sit down him down in his seat, don't mention the hair And pour him a big Gin and Tonic.


John likes booze and John likes females, He doesn't like working and he doesn't like swimming; He likes sitting down and he likes consuming grub, He doesn't like work but he does like the pub.

Being John's Missus is definitely a √ in the neck, When he dresses up clever, he still looks a wreck! He thinks posh restaurants and theatres are above him, But Perhaps all these things are simply reasons I love him!


There once was a young man known as Laurence, Who when urinating do so in torrents, When asked, "Was it Venice That motivated this menace?"

He replied, "No, I learnt it in Florence".


Matthew wants presents for his birthday, Matthew desires and cars, Matthew wants to venture out to restaurants, And meet beautiful women in bars.

Well I've got a present-day for Matthew, For this playboy who thinks he's therefore great, It's what he got me for my birthday, Coincidentally that's B*GGER ALL!