Where to find an exorcist/gynecologist to keep demons away from my wedding?

My girlfriend insists that she wants to have our marriage ordained by some kind of monster, woman, cannibal, or other non-religious figure. I couldn't believe why anyone would ever have this, I was horrified. I told her the only way we could do this is if I could invite someone to the wedding to make sure the evil was contained.

So I'm looking for someone who can perform marriages who is also an exorcist, who can purge the demons from whoever my girlfriend wants as the other "priest" (who may even be a woman!!!!????) I also want a gynecologist because as we all know, the poon is a nexus of demonic activity. Also, I believe my wedding will be cursed if the "woman" "priest" that shows up is menstruating and bleeds all over the wedding, so I need a professional to check on that.

Also, the exorcist could also take a look at my girlfriend just in case.

Does anyone know where I can find these wedding professionals? Ideally an exorcist/gynecologist, but if they're 2 people that's ok too.