Everyone Desperately Need To Tell About Trauma But Can Not Until Asked
I've read desperate to talk trauma numerous posts concerning the awful feelings about needing to disclose stress details for your t, although I hope this is simply not completely ridiculous. I'm working with the contrary.
I have several 'concerns' that I'm aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to an adult that I trusted in HighSchool being a maternal figure that later confirmed she had different suggestions for that connection... and then what is daily becoming more of a confidence that I've repressed very early neglect (I have always had dangers but am not reading his and my speech within my brain which isn't satisfying change of words)... I have NEVER told information on ANY of this stuff. I've described to 2 people who "something" occurred with this particular person I respected and that was the extent. I am plagued short video in my head of those I remember by images now these sounds of what I think.
Does this seem sensible to ANYONE? I understand I would be REMARKABLY embaressed to mention what exactly I'd have to and that I wish it'sn't something sick building me want to... But I am so worried we will spend years since he thinks I'm frightened, tiptoeing across the details and that I am seriously wanting to pour the beans. I hope I could tell him this, however it is not allowed.
I also have found that I can't tell him SOMETHING if he doesn't ask directly and am working together with a t. I've told him this and he's great at wanting to ask me questions. The thing is, I may also not tell him what to ask. it is similar to I'm banned to just freely tell things but I am permitted to answer honestly, although I understand it may sound completely mad. He's gone backandforth about 'processing' injury then I think I am so silent about things going on he does not think they are and begins to consider we have to get another direction. I get so angry when I hear him discuss not addressing the injury specifically and get really frustrated and need to give up hope about actually getting relief. It's like I UNDERSTAND I have to acquire these facts out-but I can't tell him that. I believe he's also worried I can't handle dealing with the stress directly due to my anxiety attacks, but I don't learn how to modify any of this. I want it bad and I have learn about all these new solutions to deal with PTSD without detailed control, although he talks about attempting to do it with as little depth and stress as you can.