Anyone Seriously Want To Tell About Stress But Can Not Until Asked

I am hoping this is simply not completely ridiculous, but I've read a lot of posts concerning the terrible thoughts about being forced to disclose stress details to your t. I am dealing with almost the opposite.

I've many 'problems' that I'm aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to a grownup that I trusted as being a maternal figure that later revealed she had different suggestions for that connection in HighSchool... Then what is daily becoming more of the confidence that I've repressed very early abuse (I've always had risks but am not hearing his and my style in my own head which isnot pleasant exchange of words)... I've NEVER told information on any one of this stuff. I've stated to 2 people that "anything" happened with this particular person I trusted which was the level. I am plagued short video in my own head of the people from the by photographs and desperate to talk trauma now these comments of what I think.

I have found that I can't tell him ANYTHING if he doesn't ask directly and am working with a t. I've told him this and he's good at attempting to ask me questions. The issue is, I also can not tell him what to ask. it is much like I'm prohibited to simply openly tell things-but I'm allowed to answer, although I know it could appear absolutely mad. He has gone back and forth about 'handling' trauma and I think I am so calm about things going on he does not believe they are and begins to think we need to go another way. I get disappointed when I hear him need to stop hope about actually getting relief and get really depressed and discuss not addressing the trauma specifically. It's like I UNDERSTAND I've to acquire out these details but I cannot tell him that. I believe he is also concerned I can't handle dealing with the stress right because of my anxiety attacks, but I really don't understand how to alter any of this. He talks about trying to do it with as small depth and trauma as you can and that I have learn about all these new solutions to cope with PTSD without detailed control, but I need it so bad.

Does this seem sensible to EVERYONE? I know I'd be EXTREMELY embaressed to convey the items that I hope it'sn't something sick making me need and I would have to to... But I'm worried we will spend years because he thinks I am frightened tiptoeing across the facts and that I am desperately attempting to spill the beans. I hope I can tell him this, but it is not allowed.